Thoughts on a very late Friday night...

I hadn't blogged anything random in a long time, and maybe the next blog will be more random bloggage, but this isn't it tonight.

Rather, this entry here is a blog that has a specific purpose. It is to let some personal feelings out, let some emotions out and just decompress.

The person this is about, will not see this blog until a time I specifically decide to let her see. She will know in time why I wrote this.

See, 8 years ago, I had a crush on this girl named Shelley. I still love her today, as much as it hurts to admit it. We went to high school together. But her life took a turn I never saw coming, and she kinda lost her way. About two years ago she had a beautiful little girl, whose name is Mollee. That helped Shelley grow up quickly, and she turned back to the right path.

By 2007, I was somewhat back in her life. I didn't really know much. She's been dating this decent guy named Jason for awhile now (I think 2 years), but...here's the problem...I still have feelings toward her, as I pointed out. She now knows that, as I revealed it to her one week ago.

Today, however, she told me she wasn't comfortable around me. I was just being my natural, somewhat flirty self, but I think it was too much. I wish I'd known. I wish she'd told me. I wish...I still wish...that I had never had to worry about this sort of thing happening.

I wish she was mine.

I wrote the following poem late last Sunday night...and I am sharing this with you all as a glimpse into my heart and my feelings...

Feelings I Can't Hide

There's things that we all wish we did
And feelings we should have shared
For me, those feelings go back eight years
And never have left since

You were one of the people I met
Way back when I was still young
We're still young, actually
But we're not 16 anymore

I held on to all of this for years
I never shared it
I never let you see it
For fear I might be broken

I'm 8 years older now
And I'm 8 years wiser
But these 8 years made it impossible
To act on all the things I felt back then

Today I still feel this love
I realize I let you get away
I never thought I'd wind up sharing
But these feelings, I can't hide anymore

It took me 8 years to let it all out
But I finally have done it
Shelley, I may never get a second chance
But so you know, I love you

Written by Jeremy S. Moses
January 26, 2009 1:20am